Post by infowar on Jun 18, 2022 20:05:09 GMT
My gf and I have been dating for about a year and a month ago she moved in with me. She has no kids but I have 11 year old twin boys. I’m a single dad, their mom left shortly after she gave birth. In the beginning she would talk about my sons or goes to introduce them like “Meet EJ and here are his sons with down syndrome” and “Oh yeah my bf has kids but they have down syndrome” and once commented to a friend “Yeah I want a baby but my bf has disabled genes, I don’t want a downs baby” . Which is incredibly ignorant and I've told her how this bothers me. Put people before their disabilities, they have names. She usually apologizes and laughs it off. I thought she was just oblivious and didn't understand disabilities.
Twins with down syndrome are unique and I tell them everyday how special they are so when she is referencing them in a negative way, it’s a relationship red flag. Today is their birthday and I gave her enough money to buy balloons, party supplies, each a cake, their favorite food, and to get a slip and slide. She offered to do this while I was at work. She said she was getting her hair done and then would go shop and set everything up. I was so excited to surprise my boys.
I pick my boys up from their summer day program and head home. I walk in and it's just my girlfriend. I asked her where everything was and she said “did you not see my text?”. There was a text hours ago saying “oh no I forgot my wallet hehe”. I said “ok and?”. She forgot her wallet and used my money to pay for her hair. I told her there was no way she didn't see it missing and started getting defensive. She said she had this hair appointment booked months in advance and would be put on a “client blacklist” at the salon for canceling so she just used my money and insinuated she would do extra sexual favors to “make it up to me”.
I asked her why she took my money that I gave her for my boys and she said “it’s not like they know it’s their birthday, just tell them it’s next month”. I swear I have never felt so much rage in my life. We do not share bank accounts. She said “you have a good job I will pay you back”. I told her I gave her everything I had left until I get paid again, I get paid monthly. She said I was acting “crazy” when I told her to go back to the salon and have them refund her, shave her bald, get a IOU, or start sweeping up hair for it. Then she says again that we can just pretend it’s their birthday on another day. She said she has no money to give to me right now, I told her what she did was stealing, I wasn't going to have a thief in my house around my kids, and to get out.
She started crying saying she has nowhere to go and that I can’t just evict her.
She is not on the lease and hasn’t lived here a full month nor does she have any mail with my address. I didn't realize until after she left that she stole my son's tablets and I'm in the process now of filing a police report and I’m shaking. I was distracted trying to calm them down because they got scared that I was upset. Not only do they have nothing for birthday they also don’t have their tablets they use daily for communication and use nightly to calm down before bed.
We have food but they were looking forward to having their favorites. I'm so tired of seeing people take advantage of people with disabilities who justify it as “they don’t know what’s going on” let alone have it happen at home.
TL;DR: I fucked up by ignoring the red flags and not seeing the way my girlfriend views my sons. I thought if she got to see them for who they are instead of their disability she would love them like she loved me. I gave her money to buy party stuff and gifts and she spent it on her hair and her excuse was "they don't know".
So here are the updates:
I don't know if this will get taken down or not but I wanted to update so I would stop getting harassed and people would stop fighting in the comments.
You do not need to tell me how “rare” twins with disabilities, specifically, down syndrome are. If I had a dollar for every doctor who has said that to me in the last 11 years I would be rich. I’m not going to defend or prove their disability to a bunch of strangers. Their disability does not matter.
For everyone asking why I didn’t dump her when she first made the comments about my sons, I'll tell you why. Have you ever had someone say something that was so stupid/horrible that you kind of laugh and forget about it until something comes up and reminds you?
Like “there is no way this person is such a POS, they are just dumb”. She said it maybe a few times the whole year we had been dating. Ive gotten really good at ignoring stupid comments like that that they barely register unless I sit and think about it, my fault, I know. The comments she made rubbed me the wrong way but she wasn’t malicious about it, however, when someone shows you who they are you better believe them. Don’t paint red flags white.
I should have dumped her the minute she spoke about my boys in a negative manner. This is the first girlfriend they had met. I don’t have a lot of confidence and there are not a lot of women who want to date a guy like me. I'm trying my best, I messed up.
She had been living with me for less than a month, she didn’t even have a key, and she didn’t even start moving her stuff in. She got into a fight with her roommate and was kind of couch surfing.
Now onto everyone who wanted to make it about the money. I said I got paid ONCE a month, not on the first of every month. I did not have a lot of money to spend on their birthday, it was the first one since they had two “covid” birthdays. I was NOT throwing them a party. I paraphrased the party supplies because I didn't want to type out everything, I should have just said balloons and streamers because some of you in the comments thought I was throwing a fucking birthday bash with invitations and party favors. My bills are paid, I have gas in my car, and I have food in my house. I only had about $200 extra saved for their bday and for new summer things.
I do not have a gofundme, do not make one on my behalf, and if you were sent a link to one and you donated to it, report it to reddit and gofundme as fraud. There is no amazon wish list so rinse and repeat the above instructions if you bought anything off of one. Stop sending death threats and stop trying to get my info to dox me. You can believe me and what I wrote or you can think it’s bullshit but reddit karma isn’t real so chill the fuck out.
I did make a police report. I did inform her of said police report. She sent me a facetime video of her smashing my boys tablets that they use to communicate and to use at night to calm down. Yes, she is the biggest villain bitch. I see that now. You can all continue on with your lives and thank you so much to the genuine and sincere people I’ve spoken with and all the Happy Birthday!
Updates 2:
I went to the hair salon she said she went to. I asked about their cancellation policy and wanted to let them know that her hair service was paid for with stolen money. I 100% believe she just gave me the name of a fancy salon because she knew I'd never go there to see if she was lying because my social anxiety is terrible. I was awkward, sweaty, my voice shook and stuttered, and I turned beat red.
She didn’t get her hair done there. They had no idea who or what I was talking about and I made a huge fool out of myself. She must have gone somewhere else or used my $200 on something else.
The day after I made my initial police report she sent me a video of her destroying my boys tablets. Yesterday when I went to the police station to give it to them but it did not go how I thought it would. The officer immediately started damn near interrogating me.
Asking if I could prove those were my tablets, asking if I had proof of purchase with me, and asking how I knew the tablets in the video were the same. I explained what had happened and as soon as I said I kicked her out because I wasn't going to have a thief in my house he started getting huffy and puffy for “illegally evicting a woman in the middle of a heat wave”.
He told me that I should pretty much “call it even” and drop the report about the tablets. He then told me the money was a civil matter and nothing the police could do but said she could very easily “bring me trouble for evicting her”. Verbatim.
I fee so damn stupid and if she hadn’t taken away something so important to my boys, I would just drop it. The tablets were used as something to calm them down, a way to easily communicate, and to have something to play on that they understand. My own birthday is in two days and I think my boys will be more crushed that we won't be doing anything for it more than what happened on their birthday.
I know this update isn’t what some of you were hoping for, which, same. But I had a lot of comments and messages so that is what happened. Also to the shitbags who are going to ask “why are you still talking about this?”...There are a lot of people asking so, sorry?
TL:DR; This is my last update which is a shitty one but I wanted to update those who are asking. It’ll take at least a few weeks if not months to take her to court. She didn’t get in any trouble.
Twins with down syndrome are unique and I tell them everyday how special they are so when she is referencing them in a negative way, it’s a relationship red flag. Today is their birthday and I gave her enough money to buy balloons, party supplies, each a cake, their favorite food, and to get a slip and slide. She offered to do this while I was at work. She said she was getting her hair done and then would go shop and set everything up. I was so excited to surprise my boys.
I pick my boys up from their summer day program and head home. I walk in and it's just my girlfriend. I asked her where everything was and she said “did you not see my text?”. There was a text hours ago saying “oh no I forgot my wallet hehe”. I said “ok and?”. She forgot her wallet and used my money to pay for her hair. I told her there was no way she didn't see it missing and started getting defensive. She said she had this hair appointment booked months in advance and would be put on a “client blacklist” at the salon for canceling so she just used my money and insinuated she would do extra sexual favors to “make it up to me”.
I asked her why she took my money that I gave her for my boys and she said “it’s not like they know it’s their birthday, just tell them it’s next month”. I swear I have never felt so much rage in my life. We do not share bank accounts. She said “you have a good job I will pay you back”. I told her I gave her everything I had left until I get paid again, I get paid monthly. She said I was acting “crazy” when I told her to go back to the salon and have them refund her, shave her bald, get a IOU, or start sweeping up hair for it. Then she says again that we can just pretend it’s their birthday on another day. She said she has no money to give to me right now, I told her what she did was stealing, I wasn't going to have a thief in my house around my kids, and to get out.
She started crying saying she has nowhere to go and that I can’t just evict her.
She is not on the lease and hasn’t lived here a full month nor does she have any mail with my address. I didn't realize until after she left that she stole my son's tablets and I'm in the process now of filing a police report and I’m shaking. I was distracted trying to calm them down because they got scared that I was upset. Not only do they have nothing for birthday they also don’t have their tablets they use daily for communication and use nightly to calm down before bed.
We have food but they were looking forward to having their favorites. I'm so tired of seeing people take advantage of people with disabilities who justify it as “they don’t know what’s going on” let alone have it happen at home.
TL;DR: I fucked up by ignoring the red flags and not seeing the way my girlfriend views my sons. I thought if she got to see them for who they are instead of their disability she would love them like she loved me. I gave her money to buy party stuff and gifts and she spent it on her hair and her excuse was "they don't know".
So here are the updates:
I don't know if this will get taken down or not but I wanted to update so I would stop getting harassed and people would stop fighting in the comments.
You do not need to tell me how “rare” twins with disabilities, specifically, down syndrome are. If I had a dollar for every doctor who has said that to me in the last 11 years I would be rich. I’m not going to defend or prove their disability to a bunch of strangers. Their disability does not matter.
For everyone asking why I didn’t dump her when she first made the comments about my sons, I'll tell you why. Have you ever had someone say something that was so stupid/horrible that you kind of laugh and forget about it until something comes up and reminds you?
Like “there is no way this person is such a POS, they are just dumb”. She said it maybe a few times the whole year we had been dating. Ive gotten really good at ignoring stupid comments like that that they barely register unless I sit and think about it, my fault, I know. The comments she made rubbed me the wrong way but she wasn’t malicious about it, however, when someone shows you who they are you better believe them. Don’t paint red flags white.
I should have dumped her the minute she spoke about my boys in a negative manner. This is the first girlfriend they had met. I don’t have a lot of confidence and there are not a lot of women who want to date a guy like me. I'm trying my best, I messed up.
She had been living with me for less than a month, she didn’t even have a key, and she didn’t even start moving her stuff in. She got into a fight with her roommate and was kind of couch surfing.
Now onto everyone who wanted to make it about the money. I said I got paid ONCE a month, not on the first of every month. I did not have a lot of money to spend on their birthday, it was the first one since they had two “covid” birthdays. I was NOT throwing them a party. I paraphrased the party supplies because I didn't want to type out everything, I should have just said balloons and streamers because some of you in the comments thought I was throwing a fucking birthday bash with invitations and party favors. My bills are paid, I have gas in my car, and I have food in my house. I only had about $200 extra saved for their bday and for new summer things.
I do not have a gofundme, do not make one on my behalf, and if you were sent a link to one and you donated to it, report it to reddit and gofundme as fraud. There is no amazon wish list so rinse and repeat the above instructions if you bought anything off of one. Stop sending death threats and stop trying to get my info to dox me. You can believe me and what I wrote or you can think it’s bullshit but reddit karma isn’t real so chill the fuck out.
I did make a police report. I did inform her of said police report. She sent me a facetime video of her smashing my boys tablets that they use to communicate and to use at night to calm down. Yes, she is the biggest villain bitch. I see that now. You can all continue on with your lives and thank you so much to the genuine and sincere people I’ve spoken with and all the Happy Birthday!
Updates 2:
I went to the hair salon she said she went to. I asked about their cancellation policy and wanted to let them know that her hair service was paid for with stolen money. I 100% believe she just gave me the name of a fancy salon because she knew I'd never go there to see if she was lying because my social anxiety is terrible. I was awkward, sweaty, my voice shook and stuttered, and I turned beat red.
She didn’t get her hair done there. They had no idea who or what I was talking about and I made a huge fool out of myself. She must have gone somewhere else or used my $200 on something else.
The day after I made my initial police report she sent me a video of her destroying my boys tablets. Yesterday when I went to the police station to give it to them but it did not go how I thought it would. The officer immediately started damn near interrogating me.
Asking if I could prove those were my tablets, asking if I had proof of purchase with me, and asking how I knew the tablets in the video were the same. I explained what had happened and as soon as I said I kicked her out because I wasn't going to have a thief in my house he started getting huffy and puffy for “illegally evicting a woman in the middle of a heat wave”.
He told me that I should pretty much “call it even” and drop the report about the tablets. He then told me the money was a civil matter and nothing the police could do but said she could very easily “bring me trouble for evicting her”. Verbatim.
I fee so damn stupid and if she hadn’t taken away something so important to my boys, I would just drop it. The tablets were used as something to calm them down, a way to easily communicate, and to have something to play on that they understand. My own birthday is in two days and I think my boys will be more crushed that we won't be doing anything for it more than what happened on their birthday.
I know this update isn’t what some of you were hoping for, which, same. But I had a lot of comments and messages so that is what happened. Also to the shitbags who are going to ask “why are you still talking about this?”...There are a lot of people asking so, sorry?
TL:DR; This is my last update which is a shitty one but I wanted to update those who are asking. It’ll take at least a few weeks if not months to take her to court. She didn’t get in any trouble.